Honestly, when I woke up and read about Philando Castile, tiredness washed over me. And then it was just a feeling of despair.
I’m tired of a lot of things. I’m tired of being broke all the time. I’m tired of the shitty suburb I live in. I’m tired of black men and women being brutally murdered by the police. My people are being killed by the police and their murders are being sanctioned by the people who are supposed to protect them.
The police are supposed to protect and serve. For a long time, I believed that. I believed that our lily-white police force was going to protect and serve my black ass just like they protect and serve white people on the daily. Wrong.
Looking back, my naivety was laughable. As I grew up, I noticed more and more differences in the way my mother and I were treated in comparison to our white neighbors. One night, I remember my mother being stopped for driving too slow. The police then accused her of driving drunk even though my mother had never touched a drop of alcohol in her damn life. They arrested her and took her to the police station. That was the first time in my life that I had truly felt fear. The whole time this was happening, I just remember my hands shaking profusely and my teeth chattering. Those feelings have still stuck with me after many years. That night was when I realized I couldn’t truly trust the police.
When the police are killing my people simply for existing, how can I trust them? When Philando Castile was shot in front of his girlfriend and daughter, how can I trust the police? When Alton Sterling was shot for selling CDs, how can I trust the police? When Sandra Bland was shot for no fucking reason, how can I trust the police? Everyday when I turn on the news, I hear about another black person being murdered. If the people who are supposed to protect and serve the people are brutalizing and murdering the people, how can I trust the damn police?
As a black woman living in America, I feel disgusted. I’ve been disgusted since Michael Brown’s murder. I”ve been disgusted since Sandra Bland’s murder. I’m disgusted with a country that allows black people to be murdered because they’re black. The fact that blackness is inherently viewed as a threat sickens me. I want this to change. I want to not feel afraid of the police. Sometimes, I pretend that America really upholds its values of equality, liberty, and justice. Then I wake up, turn on the news, and hear of another black person being murdered by the police. The facade of liberty and justice for all is shattered once again.
This is a beauty and fashion blog. However, I’m not going to write a review of fucking skincare products when my people are in danger. Silence in the face of opression is violence. Staying silent about black people being systematically murdered indicates that you have taken the side of the oppressor. It indicates that you could give two solitary shits about institutional racism. I understand that as a beauty blogger, a fashion blogger, a lifestyle blogger, or whatever type of blogger you are, you’re trying to preserve a brand. Get sponsorships. Become famous. Make money. And that’s fine. Whatever. But at the same time, is it that hard to simply acknowledge that black people are being murdered in the streets? Is it that hard to tweet #blacklivesmatter, or to make an Instagram post. Even a fucking Facebook post would be better than sitting on your ass just for the sake of preserving your “brand.” In the face of violence, your silence is defeaning and condones what’s happening to American citizens.
Next week, I’ll be back at it with your scheduled posts. But this week, I needed to rant and get shit off my mind. If I just ignored what was happening to my people, I would be a complete damn hypocrite. In fact, I would’ve been somewhat disgusted with myself. Moreso, I’m disgusted with the fact that some of the people who call themselves “influencers” can’t use their platforms to bring light to the systematic racism that is the American police system. As long as I run this struggle blog, I’ll always continue to speak out on what my people have to endure in this shitty country. On an ending note, always remember that #blacklivesmatter. Always.